By Elaine Wilson of American Forces Press ServiceWASHINGTON : Kim Ruocco hung up the phone with her husband, relieved he had finally agreed to seek help for his increasingly severe bouts of depression.
After Ruocco landed, she called the hospital. He wasn't there. She called his office. He hadn't shown up. A sinking feeling set in. Ruocco rented a car and raced over to the hotel where her husband had been staying. When she arrived, several Marines were walking out of his hotel room. The Marines were crying. "I didn't have to ask -- I knew," she said. Her 40-year-old husband, Marine Corps Maj. John Ruocco, an accomplished AH-1 Cobra helicopter pilot and father of two, had hung himself just hours after his conversation with his wife. Ruocco struggled to make sense of the loss that shook her family to its core. Yearning to give her husband's death some meaning, she eventually immersed herself in efforts to combat suicide within the military. Ruocco is now the director of suicide education and support for the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors, a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping families with a fallen military loved one. She has shared her story with thousands of troops across the nation, working to fight the stigma that kept her husband from seeking help. "I wish I would have called the [military police] and told them there was someone in crisis," she said of that night five years ago. "I wish I would have taken the chance in having him feel like I betrayed him -- but at least he'd be alive." Her husband had battled bouts of depression for most of his adult life, Ruocco explained. Past incidents -- including a fatal car accident in high school and aircraft crashes that took the lives of his friends – had stuck with him throughout the years. But he kept his feelings private, worried about disrupting his skyrocketing Marine Corps career. After more than a decade in the Marines, Ruocco was at the pinnacle of his career field, his wife explained. An expert pilot, he had accepted an Air Force exchange position at Vance Air Force Base, Okla., where he trained new pilots on the T-37 jet. Ruocco took his work "very seriously," she noted, and the demands of a fast-paced, post-9/11 military were wearing him down. "It was taking a toll; the stress and pressure," she said. "He felt indebted to the Marine Corps and the Air Force, and indebted to us. He was trying to please everyone." Backed by his family, Ruocco decided to separate from the Marines. His wife and their then-8- and 10-year-old sons were pleased, since they had grown tired of the frequent moves and school changes. "People thought, at almost 15 years, it was a crazy time to get out," she said. "I felt it was better for the family." The major separated from active duty in 2004 and joined a reserve unit in Pennsylvania. While moving his family to their new home in Boston, he began training to be a pilot with Southwest Airlines in Texas. Two weeks after he joined the reserve unit, Ruocco was activated and deployed to Iraq. His deployment went well, his wife said. He flew 75 missions, was awarded an Air Medal, given for meritorious achievement while participating in aerial flight, and led his troops with pride, she noted. But post-deployment, life took a downturn. The job with Southwest didn't pan out, and his Pennsylvania-based squadron had moved to California. "The adrenaline with war was coming to a screeching halt," Kim Ruocco said. "He was having difficulty flying because of the anxiety and depression. It was the snowball effect you see so often with suicide. "People often think suicide is one thing, such as a relationship breakup," she explained. "But that's the final straw of a multitude of things that build up and tear away at a [servicemember]." John was living in a hotel room in California, she said, where his depression was worsening by the day. He was due to deploy to Iraq again in the spring, but doubted his ability to lead there and also was afraid of letting his unit down, she said. John Ruocco died on Super Bowl Sunday 2005. His beloved New England Patriots edged out the Philadelphia Eagles for the coveted football victory. But he didn't watch the game. On their phone call that evening, Kim asked her husband if he was feeling so bad that he could kill himself. He told her he could never do that to her and the boys. "He told me he was going to go on base and get help," she said. "But also said that would be the end of everything; that it would ruin his career. "Nothing is more important to a military man or woman than how people view you," she added. The stigma of seeking help and the fear of being viewed differently prevented her husband from seeking the help he needed, Ruocco said. "I believe he really meant it when he said he couldn't do that to me and the kids, but he probably sat there and thought about the consequences of getting help, the concept of death before dishonor, and that he was mentally incapable of doing his duty," she said. "That's the final straw for [servicemembers], when they don't feel they have anything to give anymore." Ruocco said she's seen the same stories replayed on military installations throughout the world and hopes, by sharing her story, others will be inspired to come forward and seek help. In her talks with troops, she stresses the importance of never leaving someone in emotional distress alone. "I tell the troops to practice ACE - ask, care, escort," she said. "You can never leave a person who is in that much pain alone. You can't say, 'I'll call you tomorrow.' Grab their arm and escort them to help." Ruocco also explains the signs of suicide: withdrawal; substance abuse; physical self-harm; talking about feeling hopeless or helpless; talking about wanting to die, even in a joking way; impulsiveness; lack of judgment; and as a sign of a possible imminent attempt, agitation and angry outbursts. She's already seen positive signs of change, she said, thanks to Defense Department efforts to lower suicide rates and end the stigma of seeking help. To illustrate, Ruocco described a visit to Fort Hood, Texas, about a year ago. Many soldiers approached her crying, and told her that was the first time they felt they could share their feelings. She returned there in the spring, and it was a different story, she said. "A lot of soldiers came forward and said they got help or they noticed a soldier and took him to help," she said. Ruocco praised the military for its recent suicide prevention efforts, but stressed more work remains. She serves on four Defense Department task groups dedicated to combating the military's suicide rate, and is focusing efforts on building up follow-on care for surviving families. "They need a lot of help and often help is not there for them," she said. "We need to build up services more and build up funding." Even one suicide is too many, she said. "I've talked to thousands and thousands of troops and I really get the sense [military] leaders want to find out how to fix this," she said. "But it's so hard to keep people from falling through the cracks. It's hard and heartbreaking." Ruocco also is working to combat the stigma associated with military suicides, something that plagued her in the days following her husband's death. Surviving family members often keep the cause of death from others, particularly from their community and church, for fear of judgment. Five years ago, Kim kept the cause of death from her own children. In shock and unsure how to handle the situation, she told her sister, who was watching the kids, to tell them it was an accident. The secret only compounds the pain, she said. Two weeks after her husband's death, Ruocco and her sons were driving to a restaurant and her older son said, "I think I killed Dad." Kim asked him what he meant. "I put salt on his nachos," he told her. "And he said it wasn't good for his heart. Maybe he got in an accident because of his heart. Is that why he died?" Ruocco immediately pulled the car over and told her sons the truth, in terms they could understand. She talked to them of war and depression, and compared mental pain to that of physical pain. "That day, we started again from scratch," she said. "They were angry and confused, but it was a relief to tell them. I didn't have to worry about them overhearing something anymore. "You can't rebuild on a lie." In the years since, Ruocco and her sons have worked on taking on healthy roles and building new, happy memories. They traveled to Florida and the Caribbean and immersed themselves in the military's and TAPS' support. Ruocco now focuses on celebrating her husband's life, rather than dwelling on how he died. She cites Enid, Okla., as an example of a community that has created a touching celebration of life. She returns there to Vance Air Force Base, the family's last active-duty station, each year to visit with old friends. On her last visit, she stopped by a town memorial, where a stone is placed for each military member from Oklahoma who died while serving the nation. To her surprise, the park included a plaque in memory of her husband. "They were honoring not how he died, but how he lived," she said. "He served and sacrificed and stepped up, too, and they were acknowledging that. That's how it should be done." (Issued on : June 11, 2010) | ||
| Related Sites: Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors Defense Centers of Excellence for Psychological Health and Traumatic Brain Injury National Suicide Prevention Lifeline | ||
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Survivor Shares Story to Combat Troop Suicides
Thursday, June 10, 2010
A joint press conference
Amnesty International Says Millions Suffer in “Human Rights Free Zone” in Northwest Pakistan
Human rights organization urges President Obama to pressure Pakistan to end abuses in area; calls for accountability in drone attacks
Washington: Millions of Pakistanis in the northwest tribal areas live in a human rights free zone where they have no legal protection by the government and are subject to abuses by the Taleban, Amnesty International said in a major report released today.
“Many areas of north-western Pakistan now resemble the Taleban-ruled Afghanistan in the late 1990s,” said Larry Cox, Amnesty International USA Executive Director. “The world should be alarmed by the way living conditions have deteriorated under the increasingly brutal control of the Pakistani Taleban and its allied insurgent groups; instead, the suffering of the people of this area has been largely ignored, sacrificed in the name of geopolitical interests.”
The 130-page report, ‘As if Hell Fell on Me’: The Human Rights Crisis in Northwest Pakistan, is based on nearly 300 interviews with residents of the Federally Administered Tribal Areas (FATA) and adjacent areas of the Northwest Frontier Province (NWFP).
Amnesty International’s review of available information also suggests that at least 1,300 civilians were killed in the fighting in northwest Pakistan in 2009, from a total of more than 8,500 casualties (including combatants).
The report documents the systematic abuses carried out by the Taleban as they established their rule by killing those who challenge their authority, such as tribal elders and government officials. Amnesty International was told of Taleban insurgents blocking roads to prevent civilians from escaping as villages fell under heavy bombardment by government forces. The insurgents also increased the likelihood of civilian casualties by dispersing themselves among civilians and in and around schools.
Successive Pakistani governments have treated the tribal areas bordering Afghanistan with disdain, ignoring the rights of the area’s residents, particular in FATA. Over the past decade, Pakistan’s government has veered from appeasing the Pakistani Taleban through a series of failed “peace deals” to launching heavy-handed military operations that include indiscriminate or disproportionate attacks.
The United States’ use of drones to target insurgents in northwest Pakistan has generated considerable resentment inside Pakistan. Amnesty International has called on the U.S. government to clarify its chain of command and rules of engagement for the use of drones and ensure proper accountability for civilian casualties.
“President Obama should exert pressure on the Pakistani government to take steps to address abuses by the Pakistani security forces and local militias called "lashkars" - who are little more than bandits,” said T. Kumar, Amnesty International USA director of international advocacy. “As the main military supplier and trainer of the Pakistani security forces, the U.S. government cannot turn a blind eye to their abuses. President Obama should also speak out about the abuses committed by the Pakistani Taleban and find ways to exert pressure through those entities who support or who otherwise have influence on them.”
The report also demonstrates the role of China and its influence on the Pakistani government. China has been Pakistan’s largest supplier of arms and military equipment.
FATA residents are governed by the Frontier Crimes Regulation (FCR) of 1901. The FCR provides a government-appointed Political Agent ultimate judicial and executive authority, including the ability to carry out communal punishment, including formal detention, by holding all members of a tribe potentially responsible for alleged infractions committed by any tribe member.
The Constitution of Pakistan of 1973 explicitly excludes FATA from the legal, judicial and parliamentary system of Pakistan, including barring residents from voting in parliamentary elections and bringing appeals to a higher court outside the territory. Pakistan has recently promised to reform the FCR but this has not yet happened.
Amnesty International urges both the Pakistani government and the Taleban to comply with international humanitarian law by taking all measures to prevent loss of civilian life and buildings including hospitals and schools and allowing unfettered NGO access to provide food, shelter and medical supplies to the injured and displaced.
“Both the Pakistani and U.S. governments should take note that addressing human rights abuses is not just the right thing to do from a human rights perspective,” said Cox. “It’s also the smart thing to do from a security perspective. The insurgent abuses described in this Amnesty International report have occurred as part of their efforts to carve out a safe area to recruit, organize, and train fighters—not only to launch military attacks in Pakistan and Afghanistan but also armed attacks on far-off international targets.”
“All nations have two interrelated obligations: they must protect civilians from abuses by non-state actors, and they must respect human rights in the process of confronting non-state actors. Getting this balance right is a challenge that governments can no longer afford to ignore,” said Cox.
This report is supplemented by an innovative new website (www.eyesonpakistan.org) that, through interactive maps, offers virtual access to this isolated region. The information presented is based on a geo-coded database of more than 2,300 publicly reported incidents occurring between 2005 and 2009, including suicide attacks, U.S. drone strikes and insurgent attacks against civilians. The Eyes on Pakistan website is unique, as it allows users to manipulate the data and identify temporal and spatial trends of insurgency and military activity, and contextualizes the hundreds of individual stories that Amnesty International has collected.
Amnesty International is a Nobel Peace Prize-winning grassroots activist organization with more than 2.8 million supporters, activists and volunteers in more than 150 countries campaigning for human rights worldwide. The organization investigates and exposes abuses, educates and mobilizes the public, and works to protect people wherever justice, freedom, truth and dignity are denied.
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Stop Tuesday's execution in Texas!
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Wednesday, June 09, 2010
Gates meets with British Prime Minister
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Hornet aircraft assigned to the "Black Knights"
A pass and review of the troops
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